| Doesn't matter. But this was written last night. The internet crapped out after all. |
[28 Nov 2009|01:12am] |
I'm listening to Jason Clackley's myspace right now. It's really nice. I miss listening to these songs. Jason, I know you're out there, I still want the discography.
Working/learning/whatever approximately 80 hours a week. Not getting paid, either. It's going to be like this for the next two years or so... I think I can handle it.
Because of all of this, I have had to ask for help from my parents. Like, the kind of help most lucky suburbany white kids get when they go to college. My parents can do that. I never really understood how much support they've given me, my entire life. And for that matter, how much of a lucky suburbany white kid I am.
I have had to do a lot of thinking and saying thank you and feeling guilty and accepting and giving up in order to come to terms with all of this. I still haven't gotten it, but I'm at least getting to the point where, internally, I can say, "Fuck it", much more easily. It feels nice, not having such a skewed set of standards for myself.
Today I wound my first set of coils for a tattoo machine. I put pictures of cartoon bunny skeletons smoking cigarettes on the sides of them. Jeff (the owner of Under the Needle) said he's going to save them for me until I put together my first machine. I'm so excited. That's the first thing I've done that relates to me actually tattooing, aside from drawing, since I started my apprenticeship. But I understand. The whole thing is an extremely slow process.. I'm starting to hear the buzz of tattoo machines in my sleep..
Matt is in Las Vegas right now. I miss him, painfully. We still live in our weird apartment in Kenmore. No longer with any roommates. Which sucks, because we can't afford it and no one wants to live in our weird apartment in Kenmore. The cats are a plus though. They're snuggling with me right now. I feel like I'm neglecting them because I never spend any time at home and now that Matt's gone, they're alone for 14 hours a day. Last night Albus fell in the bath tub. It was hilarious. Poor little guy.
Kenmore has the highest concentration of crows of any town in the world. That's interesting, I guess. At a certain time around dusk, they all swarm around the sky and land in the trees. It's really ominous and beautiful. The only thing I love about Kenmore.
I'm starting to get tattoos. And starting to plan more tattoos with artists at the shop. I'm excited and I'm really stupid. But it's ok. Maybe this whole tattooing thing will work out. That would be great.
I've been missing hanging out with friends.. I'm happy. I have Matt and I have the shop and those new friends. But I'm missing some stuff. Some people. I'm feeling nostalgic about memories of camp nowhere and summertime and a whole bunch of other times. I'm not really going to be able to have friends again until after my apprenticeship is over. I miss you.
I guess that's all I really feel like saying. My internet isn't really working anymore and I hope that this post flies out into the web and sticks somewhere, without complications.
Sweet Dreams.
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[27 Nov 2009|12:11pm] |
Listened to a lot of Blink 182 this morning. That was great.
I tried to post a much longer, much more introspective entry last night, but, due to computer complications, I was unable to do so. I'll post it sometime.
Now I'm going to smoke a cigarette.
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[04 Aug 2009|01:35pm] |
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mood |
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spaced out |
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music |
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background piano |
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I hung out with Terra yesterday. It was really really awesome to see her. She got me reaaaaallll high (damn that girl smokes tough) and we discussed everything that's been going on with us.
Since she quit Trophy, she has become employed by these two guys who somehow have a lot of money and decided to open up a cafe for fun. It's going to be called "Ground Control Coffee". They already have a space and stuff. But right now, Terra is their only employee and she is setting up everything for this coffee shop.
It's exciting for her cuz she's getting paid really well to be a bad ass for these two really sweet funny guys. It's exciting for me, because she hired me (meaning that I get paid and everything) to design their stamp (like the image that's gonna go on their coffee mugs and stamp cards and stuff). I've been working on it for the past hour or so and I'm basically done. It's an old school martian rocket ship. It's pretty freakin cute. This whole situation is also exciting for me, because, once they open up, they're going to need people with barista experience to hold the place down when Terra's not there. We talked about it and she said she would hire me as a part timer when the place gets up and running. Which would be siiiiiicccccccccc.....
So, look for it when it opens and get yourself a cup a joe. It's going to be in Georgetown kinda by squid and ink on that tiny main little road like a couple blocks over. It's in the same building as an antique shop that these dudes already own.
In other news: I went in for a first and second interview at Saffire Tattoo. I met "the Raven" who is a crazy, hefty, squat, super duper nice, tough as nails old lady. She was very impressed by my art work and I am currently waiting for an email from them giving me more details on the apprentice position. I'm nervous though, because I'm not in for sure yet. When I went in for my first interview, I was their only applicant. Now there are like five of us. So I have some competition. The Raven said that they're going to have us all come in for a few hours or a whole day and test out our apprenticing skills.
wish me luck.
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[28 Jul 2009|12:14pm] |
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Today I am going in for an interview/audition/whatever at a tattoo parlor in Lynnwood called "Saffire". The position I'm going for is apprentice/front of house manager... I'm not too sure on the details, but I found an add for all of this yesterday, on craigslist. I called, because what the hay, I might as well. And they sounded very interested in me. Right now I'm gathering artwork that I've done to bring in to show Tamara, who is going to be interviewing me. I guess the lady I'd be working most closely with is named "The Raven". But she's on vacation for a couple of days.
The cupcake factory is very close to some shady shady sneaky sneaky activity, in which a lot of people are going to get fired. In the most probable scenario, I will either lose my job, or be forced to commute from Kenmore to Columbia City every day. Which would suck big hairy balls.
That is why I started my craigslist search for a new job. If this tattoo things works out, words will not be able to discribe my level of excitement.
In other news, it's so hot that I feel panicky every time I go outside. And my boobs shrunk an entire cup size.. Chya. weird, right?
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| David Cross? |
[11 May 2009|12:30am] |
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mood |
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Sleepy |
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music |
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dr. mario |
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I just got back from movie night at Faith's house. We watched "The Thing". An excellent film starring Kurt Russell. It's been almost 2 weeks living in Kenmore.
I love it. It makes me really happy to be here. It makes me really sad that David and Daniel don't like it. Fuck all the hipster bullshit. I'm happy to be in a small town again.
The living room smells like weed, but I'm not stoned.
I had a dream the other night that I was a man.
Specifically, David Cross... Not that I was David Cross in spirit, but physically, somehow I had taken the shape of him. The dream consisted of me trying to get Matt to still be in love with me even though I had transformed into a middle aged, unphysically fit, balding man.... I couldn't understand why he couldn't just love me anyway...
Matt was working at this big governmenty building. There was a movie theater and an information desk and a hospital upstairs (up escalators, actually). I was exploring the building and kept trying to get Matt's attention, but he was too freaked out by the fact that I was a maaan. (I didn't have the mentality of a man and I still referred to myself as a female human. But It was clear that I had the physical appearance of a male).
Somehow, Matt got in trouble with the government and I saved us by setting off a bunch of alarms to distract the guards. We escaped wonderfully. When we got outside, a school bus driver with a big brown beard pulled up to us and asked where he could find a good old fashioned barber shop. We suggested some of the smaller towns and suburbs in the outlying Seattle area.
We ended up at this library with a colorful mosaic of salmon and stuff on the outside walls. There we ran into Zac, Julian, and Alexandra. They were all drunk. Zac hugged me and asked why I had turned into a man, because I was so pretty as a girl. I told him that it was complicated because I was dreaming. I said I was pretty sure that when I woke up I'd be a girl again. That seemed to satisfy him. Then Alexandra said, in a sweet, moon-child, drunken sort of way, "Oooh wooowwww. You're dreaming right now???"
Then we all hung out in this dingy dark shed with a bunch of hay in it, right next to the library and drank a few beers.
Toward this time in the dream, Matt was starting to be ok with the fact that I had taken the form of David Cross. We even kissed once.
At this point, I woke up.
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[06 Jan 2009|05:37pm] |
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At around 2:30, I laid down for a nap. I just woke up, at around 5:30, having no idea where I was or what time it was. I woke up to an empty cold house, with most of the lights turned off. My vision is still blurry from sleeping on my eyeball funny.
I probably just experienced my least favorite feeling in the world. Feeling abandoned or whatever.
Aside from that, things are really good, in general, right now:
I have been without a computer for several months because it has been busted. But I recently got that thang all fixed up. So here I am, again, on the internet.
Matt and I taught the first installment of our "Crime as Creation" class today, at PSCS, this morning. I'm super excited about that. There's only really one kid who seems to be getting a lot out of it, but even if he was the only interested student, I would be completely down to teach him.
I need to figure out when Ani and I are supposed to move out of Fort Latke. It's sometime in the spring, and I need to know so that I can start up a new house. My plan is the central district (although my head has been floating around Georgetown) and a few awesome homies. Anyone interested?
Speaking of Ani, she's finally finally finally back from wherever it was she was. I haven't seen her in over a month. I'll probably be hangin with that fine young lady and her fine lady dawg pretty soon.
Speaking of dogs: The other day, whilst I was at work, I got a call from my friend Terra. She was calling to see if Ani and I could possibly take an injured pitbull puppy. She and our friend Melissa found it running across a highway. Due to Abbey's, ah hem, considerable distaste for other dogs, that was out of the question. But I suggested that she call Thomas and see if he was interested. Lo and behold, he was. So now Thomas has a cuuuute cute pit bull puppy which he has named Iorek (after the polar bear from the Golden Compass). I'm so glad when these things work out.
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| Ache |
[27 Nov 2008|10:21pm] |
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mood |
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drunk with pain and punkin pi |
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Yesterday I tried to skateboard.
It worked out all right. I didn't do very well. But I tried very hard and I made a little improvement, also, I successfully did an ollie.
But the point is, somehow I sprained my wrist and hurt every inch of my body. I ache everywhere and my range of motion is fucked. Also, I just ate a lot of Thanksgiving food and I generally feel like I'm going to explode with discomfort.
But don't worry, it's ok. I'm going to get in a tub of hot water and listen to sublime. Hopefully that will set everything straight.
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[13 Oct 2008|11:25am] |
I fell asleep last night while watching Pitch Black and woke up this morning to find that Matt had disappeared. As far as I can tell, only one of two things could have realistically happened to him: 1, he decided randomly to walk all the way home (about 6 miles), or 2, he went out to write some stuff and got arrested. Bummer, either way.
A lot has been going on recently, it seems.
I got a hair cut, thanks to Savannah.
I've met some new people.
My dad and I went to Yakima to visit with my ex hebrew teacher for Rosh Hoshana (which turned out to be kind of a terrible experience)... I'll just tell you the funny part: First, let me tell you about Leah (previously mentioned "ex hebrew teacher"). Leah is Israeli. She moved to the US when she was in her twenties and she is now in her mid-late seventies. She is short, squat, blonde, wrinkly, very loud and opinionated, and speaks with a thiiick Israeli accent. She very recently quit smoking, because of her health, but before that, she smoked for over sixty years, for the final five or so, she smoked a pack a day. Her lips are permanently pursed and she has quite a rasp to her voice. This woman taught me pretty much everything I know concerning judaism and was the person who trained me and got me ready for my bat mitzvah. She was my teacher from when I was 9-13.
When Leah first saw me, she gasped, gave me a big hug and said, "You're beautiful!!! My god, the last time I saw you, what was it three years ago? You were so chubby! I was so disappointed. When you were a kid, you were cute, skinny, and then this last time I saw you, ay my god! You were so chubby. But now, you're so beautiful!"
She kept referring back to this "chubby phase" throughout the night. I loved talking to her and being with her again, and I'm glad she thinks I'm beautiful now... All I can say is, I'm really really glad she didn't tell my poor 16 year old self that I was looking "chubby".
Anyway, I suppose that's about all I have to say. I had more stuff planned, but that story sort of took me off guard.
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[29 Sep 2008|10:39am] |
Last night I had a dream that I remember this morning. It went as follows:
I was hanging out with a few awesome people. Then I had to go to work. But I pretty much just went to get cupcakes to bring to this party that I was going to go to where the awesome people that I had just met were going to be.
I ended up paying for the cupcakes because I took about 14 of them and felt bad and there's this new policy about taking cupcakes that they're trying to enforce. Whatever.
The party was really really weird. Everyone was either mostly naked or wearing very strange and revealing costumes (I don't remember what I was wearing, but it doesn't stick out as nothing or a strange and revealing costume). The man, from the movie, who owned the Moulin Rouge, was there. I was sort of hiding in this couch fort with the new friends I had made and he came barging in and rolling all over us, truly capitalizing on his flab. He was laughing and we were all just smiling uncomfortably because in actuality he was a really scary person and we didn't want to upset him. By this time, somehow, I was drunk (in the dream).
At some point, the people I was hanging out with had to leave. It seemed like their parents had come to pick them up and they had to go on a road trip or something. I had written a goodbye note to them while I had been drunk, and I read over it again to realize that I had used the term "lolz" and a lot of other phrases very uncharacteristic of notes that I would write. So I took a little time to rewrite it. I signed it, "Eat Cake -Megon"....
The real reason this dream is so interesting is the very last part. The fact that I could clearly read and write, in my dream. I have heard from several sources that this is completely impossible. That that's how you can tell if you're dreaming or not. Like, if you think maybe you're dreaming, you look at a book or some sort of text or numbers, and try to decipher them. If you're awake, you'll be able to read them fine. If you're dreaming they'll be all wibbly and blurry and you won't be able to make sense of them... How peculiar.
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[19 Sep 2008|02:36am] |
"You never stop breaking my heart."
And you, boy, never stop being selfish.
I'm sorry it hurts. But let me be happy.
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[17 Sep 2008|11:39pm] |
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mood |
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Almost Asleep |
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music |
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Abby Snoring |
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This weekend I'm going to Vancouver. This will be my first time going back, since I left. I'm excited and nervous. It's going to be the kind of thing where everyone that I talk to I'll have to explain what I've been up to and what my plans are, etc. But it'll also be the kind of thing where I'll get to hang out with people I care about, yet haven't seen (or really even talked to) in a long time. Also, the event I'm going up for should be pretty sweet. Velomutations... I'm not into bikes and all that jazz, but the thing itself should be really fun.
I've decided that I'm going to get crazy creative and productive starting today... Well, started today. I've been slackin off and I know now that I don't want to do that anymore. I'm going to start spending more time at home, working on a ton of projects, all the time. Hopefully stuff that I can sell. And then I'm going to sell it. And give it, and publicize it, and have fun with it. I'm disappointed in myself for not taking more control of my life recently. I haven't felt comfortable committing to anything since before I moved to Vancouver, last year. I think this is a good place to start.
If anyone is interested in collaborating on art/apparel/skateboard stuff or interested in buying anything or interested in being interested, please let me know.
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[09 Sep 2008|02:04pm] |
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mood |
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Perfect |
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music |
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Rad Lady Hip Hop playlist that I made a couple days ago. |
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Things are pretty sweet, I suppose.
I haven't slept at home in about a week. But I've been coming back often.
I made an awesome new friend who just wants to hang out and draw and go on adventures with me all the time. It's really nice. I think some of my recent feelings of shittiness have been because it seems like I'm losing some friends, or at least, they're not as available for me to be with. This is a little depressing, but I think the gap in my heart from that is being filled in a little bit by my recently forged friendship.
I feel like I've been fairly creative recently. Not with anything that really matters, but it's a start.
I went to ocean shores (with the aforementioned new friend) and two other new friends. That was most excellent.
Today I'm going to Bothell and hanging out with the best old friends. My mom is included in that list. I'm so excited to see her.
I may have gotten out of my funk. Or I may just be feeling better for a little while. But either way, the relief is inconceivable.
The cupcake business is going well. I've been really happy at work recently. Also, in about a month or maybe less, I'll be trained with the actual baking stuff; frosting, putting the cakes in the oven, decorating, filling in orders, etc. Not to mention that will mean a raise. Nice.
Blah blah blah, me me me. I'm going to get off the internet now.
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[31 Aug 2008|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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Freaking the fuck out. |
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Oh jeez. Today is the last day anyone is allowed in Camp Nowhere. I went there, sat on the porch for about an hour and a half, got my shit, and fled.
I don't know precisely what is going on inside of me. But I'm tellin ya, it's not good.
I have been having a constant panic attack for about 2 weeks. Today is one of the worst phases, thus far. I can't remember the last time my heart was beating at a normal rate.
Some oldold friends of mine are back from WSU for the weekend and they're throwing a party at another oldold friend's house tonight. I don't know if this will be exactly what I need, or exactly what I don't need. But I'll soon find out.
My plan is to run away starting tomorrow. But don't worry, I'll be back. I think I'm going to the ocean. Only until Wednesday... Maybe. We'll see how things go after tonight.
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| I don't know about you guys, |
[20 Aug 2008|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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Sleepy |
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music |
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Mirah |
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But, whenever someone I care about tells me something they really value about me, even stuff like, "what you did just then was pretty neat" or "I like your hat", I feel much better than I did before.
I think most people operate this way.
So, my question is: Why don't more people tell each other what they like about the other?
If I care about someone, I want them to feel really good, all the time. I know this is impossible, but the general desire is still there. I try to tell people whenever I am reminded of how much I love them (or even just kinda like them).
I implore you to do more of this.
p.s. i think some type of rodenty animal died somewhere in the house... blehh.
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[17 Aug 2008|06:12pm] |
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mood |
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Drenched in Frustration |
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music |
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Ringing in my ears. |
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I am so tired. My eyes are burning and I feel like I'm going to throw up. I went to the store on the way home and bought a bunch of groceries because fort latke has had no nutritional value for several days. I'm hungrier than I've been in a really long time, but I can't eat anything because of the aforementioned nausea.
Wish me luck, I'm going to take a nap.
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[08 Aug 2008|12:37am] |
I want to shine brighter than the sun.
I want to own everything.
I want to be selfish.
I want my heart to explode.
sometimes.
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[05 Aug 2008|11:00am] |
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mood |
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Chilled the fuck out |
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Yesterday I hung out at my Mom's house with Aaron and my Mom, it was excellent. I love my mom. I tried to drink a Dr. Pepper with dinner, but it was too sweet and I couldn't finish it. I can't remember the last time I finished a whole soda. Last night I slept on a rooftop. It was awesome. I feel great. Rogue hazelnut brown ale is amazing.
Soon I'm going to brunch with my Pop, Grandpa, Uncle, and cousins. I'm kind of excited for it.
After brunch I'm going to the scooter place and driving my sweet Donny home.
Then I'm going to a barbeque at my dad's house in Woodinville. It will involve swimming.
I'm going to move to the coast and get a sail boat. Not soon, but definitely. I'll need company though, who's with me?
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| Where's the Orange??? |
[04 Aug 2008|01:49pm] |
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The spray paint didn't show up. At least not the orange, only the white and clear... So no flourescent car still.
buuummmmmerrrrr.
On the brighter side, I completely aced my food handler's permit test. woop dee doo.
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| Bright Orange |
[03 Aug 2008|08:41pm] |
Tonight is sub par, maybe. But tomorrow is a different story. I have big plans for that day.
I'm going to get my food handler's permit (which I'm getting in big trouble at work for not having) and then I'm driving out to my Mom's house and painting my car flourescent orange.
I might also pick up my scooter from the repair place. Oh jeez, everything's sooo exciting.
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| God? |
[28 Jul 2008|10:52am] |
So my topic of conversation today is everyone. Humans that is. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. How we all happen to be tied together, whether we like it or not.
I was driving home, on I-5, the other night and I noticed all the many many white lights behind me. Headlights of cars. And it occurred to me that each pair of headlights is at least one person. One conscious person. And all over the world, there are all these people. And they all have hopes and dreams and feelings and families and friends and people who care a lot about them. And what the fuck am I supposed to do about it. What can I possibly do with that?
At first, these thoughts started to get me down down down. Spiraling into a lot of, "Why should I give a fuck? What does it matter? I kind of hate everything." That sort of snass.
But as these thoughts settled down in my brain, others started to surface. Memories of friends and thinking about the people I love and all the fun that can be had in the world...
Though I still haven't figured anything out, I think that's enough to keep me all right with humanity. So let's all just have a bunch of fun with the people we like.
Also, one of my favorite things in the world is seeing street lamps go out. Being the lucky One to be there to witness the occasion of the bulb dying in a lamp that lights our city streets. Last night I saw two go out. I think I might be coming into some luck.
On a completely different subject: Here's a photo I found of my old friend Amanda and me in science class when I was 13:
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frozenpeachez's journal
